We have all felt it at some time or another; the arising of fear, anger or frustration, which seems to originate and be felt in or around the region of our stomach and often bursts forth in harmful thoughts words or actions.
The unfortunate aspect about projecting our fears, anger or frustrations upon others, situations or places, is the denial of whose emotions are they? They are of course ours! Granted, someone, something or a situation has triggered these emotions, but they are ours nonetheless and only we can deal with them. Blaming another person for how we are feeling is fruitless, so here a few tips on how to deal with this scenario.
1. Take ownership
They are your feelings of fear, anger or frustration that are arising and yes, someone or something may have been the stimulus to "trigger" these feelings, but they are yours and you are the only person that can manage them. Say to yourself:
"This is my stuff and I take full ownership for it"
2. Feel what is going on inside your body.
Feel deeply, the tension or tightness arising. Really feel and experience this tension or tightness, it is coming up for a reason and inviting you to inspect and heal it. Notice where in your body you are feel this. Is it in your gut, chest, throat? Just locate it and acknowledge this is yours, this is happening to and inside you. Yes, the outside trigger exists, but who is being triggered?
Feel deeply, the tension or tightness arising.
3. Take a deep breath
..and resist the temptation (actually it is a deep seated programme) to react. This will give you a tiny gap, to take control over whatever is arising, rather than blurting out something inappropriate or becoming physically abusive. There is a very good chance that the root cause of this heavy feeling is buried in your past, so trying to bring relief from the discomfort by blaming others is the inappropriate action.
Resist the temptation (actually it is a deep seated programme) to react.
4. Take full responsibility
..for it being your "stuff", that someone or something has triggered you, but this is your stuff and not to be projected onto another. They more than likely have their own stuff to deal with and may even be projecting that onto you. But don't get caught up in their stuff and reacting to it, lest you get dragged down the dwindling spiral of the ego, which is going to relentlessly fight like crazy to make yourself right and the other wrong.
Take full responsibility for it being your "stuff", that someone or something has triggered you, but this is your stuff and not to be projected onto another.
5. Be Present!
Be very mindful of what is happening inside you and outside you. Don't react, but respond calmly and see the other person is struggling with their own stuff and often suffering from it. Agree to disagree if you need to, but don't fuel the fire of anger, frustration or ?
Be very mindful of what is happening inside you and outside you.
When the situation has calmed somewhat and there is willingness, it may be appropriate to discuss the subject with the other person, in a quiet, rational manner. That opportunity is not going to occur when you are in a state of fear, anger or heavy frustration and by attempting it, will only exacerbate the situation.
When you are in private, make the time and effort to revisit what you were feeling inside and gently go deeper and deeper into it. Not thinking about it, but feeling the anger, frustration or whatever feeling was arising and relive it. The deeper you go into this feeling, the source from a past experience will reveal itself and provide you with a new and different perspective about yourself.
The deeper you go into this feeling, the source from a past experience will reveal itself and provide you with a new and different perspective about yourself.
Non Violent Communication - a book by Marshall Rosenberg : https://www.amazon.com/Nonviolent-Communication-Language-Life-Changing-Relationships/dp/189200528X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1498009437&sr=8-1&keywords=non+violent+communications+marshall+rosenberg
Heartmath - The Quick Coherence Technique
Rick’s passion and purpose in life is clear, and everything he does supports this. His journey in life has been hardly a straight line. Returning from the battles of combat in the Vietnam War at just 22-years old, he was a self-described - “broken man”. Rising up from this, he undertook both a corporate business path in the energy sector, as well as a spiritual one, studying with masters across India, China and SE Asia. Rick is a TEDx speaker and author, but above all, he is a master at intuitively listening, understanding and helping others see what they cannot see in themselves.
Rick was born in England, and then spent over 30-years in Australia and has called Ubud, Bali home for the past 10-years with his wife and family.